THAILAND, PART TWO – THE LAND OF SMILES INDEED DAYS 99 – 109

Trigger warning: this post discusses miscarriages and loss

After a lovely few weeks in Australia and New Zealand, I took a long journey and flew back to Bangkok. I love Bangkok. I love the people, I love the buildings, I love the chaos of it all. I love the 7-Elevens. I love the food. I love people’s style. I love that I was able to stay in an amazing apartment for barely any credit card points. I stayed in Sathorn, a less touristy part of the city. It was close to the metro, easy to walk to some other spots, and was close to an incredible array of fantastic food and massage spots. The gym at the hotel was also great, and there was a nice infinity pool and co-working space.

I got a fun assortment of beauty treatments and massages for a fraction of the cost that it would be back home. I also visited a couple of doctors to get more travel vaccines I will need for South America and I got some prescriptions refilled. The quality of healthcare in Bangkok? Impressive. The doctors were knowledgeable and everything was quick, efficient, and affordable.

I also got multiple massages and went to a fancy hair spa. The hair spa was luxurious and a bit of a splurge for Bangkok prices, but it was worth it. My hair looked fantastic afterwards. But did I go out after? Nope, I just got snacks at 7-Eleven and then spent the evening writing in my fancy hotel room. The one night I went out was to meet a travel friend, Ellie, and we hit up a rooftop bar then met up with some more randos in party Bangkok (Khao san road) and had a really fun night. It was a good change of pace from my several days of solitude and health. We also went to a Corgi cafe before the rooftop. 20/10 would recommend.

Here’s some photos from Bangkok, part 2 (featuring Corgis, rooftop views, a TukTuk selfie, a nifty temple, and some street art):

Thai Astrology and some temples:

On my last full day in Bangkok, I decided to do something a little bit different and went to see a Thai Astrologist. Kooky, I know, but why not? I find western astrology to be interesting, so I figured I would see what Thai astrology was all about. It has a mix of Hindu and Chinese with a bit of ancient Thai historical traditions thrown in. It is not too far off of western astrology either – I still have the same sun, moon, and rising signs in both western and Thai astrology (Gemini sun, Virgo moon, and Leo rising – in case you are curious – and I’ll include a photo of the Thai chart below).

As we were going through the reading she was explaining the different numbers, houses, and the layout of the chart in general. “Difficulties…” she said, tilting her head as she printed out my chart, “many difficulties in your chart.” Well that’s not a great start, I thought.

She said in my ‘family’ house there was a lot of ‘death’ energy and she looked at me intently before she asked me point blank, “you have miscarried, haven’t you?”

It was a very specific and very personal question to ask and I was shocked and speechless for a moment before reluctantly saying, “…yes, actually, I have.”

“And it was a girl?” She asked me, confidently.

“I don’t know,” I told her, and I went on to explain that it was a missed miscarriage. For those of you who do not know what that is, it is when you do not know that you are pregnant until suddenly you are having a miscarriage. It happened in my twenties, with my fiancé at the time (who is now my ex-husband). He handled it very poorly.

My miscarriage was a really shit experience, to put it bluntly. It flooded me with weird hormones and a sense of loss that I never really dealt with, in part because I never knew that it was coming. Even though it was not a pregnancy that I knew about or wanted at the time, the loss of it was painful – both physically and emotionally. I vividly remember crying in pain on the bathroom floor of an AirBnb on a ski trip that I didn’t want to go on. I was all alone when it was happening because my now ex decided that he would rather go snowboard with his friends. Lol.

I debated over whether to write about this in my blog, but I’m all for being an open book and talking about things that are often kept quiet – like women’s health and the sometimes awful things that happen to our bodies. So many women go through this, and it is tragic. I cannot imagine how it must feel for a wanted and known pregnancy to end in a miscarriage, and yet it is so common and so rarely talked about. I have also written about my experience in my book in more detail, so I suppose this snippet is a sneak peak.

Back to my astrology session. As I sat there stunned at the astrologer’s deeply personal revelation about me, she went on to talk more about the dark energy she saw in my chart/reading related to my miscarriage. If you look down at the photo of my chart, I have many houses in “disaster” which is not good.

“Are you religious or spiritual?” She asked me.

“Not particularly,” I answered honestly. If anything, I consider myself agnostic. I don’t find any religions to be all that compelling. I’m not a staunch atheist because how am I supposed to know what is or isn’t out there? How am I supposed to know what happens when we die, or if and how our souls may or may not live on? I’m literally just a girl.

“You should lean into spirituality, it will help you and it will help her,” she told me. I stared back at her, speechless, and somewhat regretted my decision to go to the session in the first place.

“You should also name her, the child that you lost,” she said, and a tear rolled down my cheek. Ew, emotions.

“I will,” I said.

She suggested that I do something to honor the loss of my would-be daughter at a temple in Thailand. At first I wasn’t sure and I strongly considered just locking that loss back in the void that is my brain. But then I talked about it with Kelsey when she met me in Chiang Mai (more on that part later in the post), and with her support I decided that I’d find a temple, name my would-be daughter, and do something to honor her.

We booked a short tour of two temples up in the mountains around the city that my new travel friend Jenn recommended that we check out. The tour ended up being great – I loved our guide and the two temples were beautiful.

At the first temple, our guide Katy talked a lot about Buddhist traditions and prayers that are done at temples. I decided that this was the time – I would try and honor the would-be child that I miscarried many years ago. There were spots around the temple to donate some Baht in exchange for flowers and candles, and to put up a little stick in some styrofoam with a fake flower at the end with some Thai Baht (their currency) in it. One tradition involved holding the flower and the candle between your hands and walking three times clockwise around the relics in the middle of the large and very ornate temple. I did both little rituals.

I named her Rose. It is my favorite flower, and it felt fitting for Thailand – a country full of colors and flowers everywhere you look. 🌹 I shed a few more tears at the temple as I tried to say a little prayer for Rose and her lost little soul, wherever it may be. Here is a rendition of what went on in my head:

Good riddance little homie, your would-be mother wishes you well. Your dad would have sucked, sorry about that. But your mom is a baddie (sometimes) and she is finally happy (most of the time). RIP, little Rose. If your soul is chilling anywhere in particular, I hope it’s in Thailand because it is my favorite country.

Here’s some photos of the temples that we visited and a snap shot Kelsey took from one of the rituals (plus a photo of my depressing Thai astrology chart):

More on Chiang Mai that isn’t just depressing:

Most people that I have met who have been to Thailand have told me that Chiang Mai is the best, but it wasn’t originally on my itinerary until I decided to return and meet Kelsey, one of my best friends and favorite people in the whole world. She had the chance to fly out and meet me in Thailand and then Vietnam (the Vietnam post will be next). We have been friends for nearly two decades. I have a lot more written out about our friendship and it is sappy as hell, but I am saving it for the Vietnam post because this one is already way too long. Long story short: I LOVE YOU, KELSEY!

Kelsey and I also met up with one of my new travel friends who I met down in southern Thailand in December, Jenn. She’s British and she’s also funny, kind, smart, and a great time. The three of us had plenty of delicious meals, fun wanders, and good chats. One of the best things about travelling in general is the friends – the real genuine connections – that you make along the way. It’s a treat.

Chiang Mai lived up to the hype. We had amazing food and visited some of the coolest markets I’ve ever been to on my entire trip. Kelsey and I also did a cooking class one day in Thailand, and it was really cool to learn how to make the six different dishes that we cooked. It was also exhausting. I am very glad that I never chose the path of becoming a chef. Not that it was ever really a desire of mine. How on earth do they stand around hot rooms and cook food for twelve or more hours at a time…day after day? No wonder they are a bit nutty (I know this both from personal experience and also from watching The Bear: never date a chef, ladies).

Making the curry paste was the coolest part. Kelsey was an absolute beast at it; her and the Dutch guy she was paired with for their panang curry made the best curry. Our khao soi curry team needed assistance from the instructor. I suppose none of us mashed hard enough. Alas.

Here are some photos from the class and photos of what we cooked:

Snack of the moment: Khao soi! This northern Thai dish is ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS. You must go have it. You must. The chicken one is the best. We had about one a day, give or take, including one at a Michelin-guide street food style restaurant where we paid about $1.75 per dish.

Here’s some photos of some of the amazing food we had in Chiang Mai (obviously I had to have more mango sticky rice, and the best was once again from a random street vendor at a night market):

Elephants!!! Los elephantes!!!

The elephants were such a sight to be seen. It had been on both Kelsey and my bucket lists for quite some time, so we were stoked to book it. Kelsey booked it before she left for Thailand – at Elephant Nature Park. I was really impressed by the park and the founder. Highly recommend it if you are ever in Thailand.

The owner is a woman and she has been recognized by multiple organizations and spoken at the UN on her work rescuing elephants (and many other animals) – from logging, from circuses, from truly horrendous conditions. Now nearly 100 of them are in a better place, vibing in northern Thailand with plenty of land, water, watermelons, and bananas. You aren’t allowed to ride them or touch them and you must respect them. The park has also rescued and cared for around 2,500 cats and 700 dogs.

Some fun facts about elephants that we learned from our guide, who was hilarious:

-Elephants are friendly but sometimes they are also moody “just like people”

-They sleep for about 3 hours a day and eat for about 18 hours a day (goals?)

-There is an especially naughty elephant in the park, she is 14 years old and a couple of weeks ago she ate a tourist’s iPhone

-The biggest chonk elephant in the park is 4,900 kilograms

-They are really entertaining to watch and honestly they are hilarious creatures

-They have whole personalities, are very smart, and create friend groups – there were a couple of older lady elephants that we met that were inseparable (adorable)

Here’s some photos of our trip to the elephants:

Overall, the return to Thailand was an amazing time. It remains my favorite country in the world (and I have now been to 43 of them). We also went to a Muay Thai fight and I went to a group Muay Thai class to try it out. I absolutely loved it, and I have decided that I will be returning to Thailand in May/June and I hope to do a multi-week Muay Thai camp in Koh Samui. I should get it booked before too many people find out about it from the latest season of White Lotus. Kelsey does not want me to do Muay Thai after watching the fights in person, but I am going to do it anyways. It was one of the hardest and best workouts I’ve ever done. If I do it for a month straight, I will be terrifying. Mark my words, y’all.

Here’s some photos from the Muay Thai fight and from other parts of Chiang Mai – a beautiful city full of flowers and charm (and also some cats from a cat cafe because CATS!):